HayaRyu - Never go Back ch08

Chapter 8</b></u>

That day they separated with no words of goodbye-see you later or any plans of meeting after school. The clouds above them in the dark grey-blue sky were heavy; yet Ryu’s heart felt heavier, almost as if it had turned into a stone and fallen to his stomach. His nostrils were filled with the smell of wet dirt as he was getting on the train to go home; soon after, when looking out of the window next to his seat he saw the rain falling hard, harshly hitting the glass of the train windows. He felt as if the forces of nature were expressing his own frustration and he liked it, it felt relieving. It was like, all the things he wanted to take off his chest were being washed away by the rain, yet in the same time they just stayed there in his heart, torturing him. He slightly hit his head to the metal bar next to his seat; he was getting a headache. He had to stop thinking of so many things. He didn’t want to end up like a crazy-philosophizing freak.

When he reached the station close to his house, he rushed out of the train and even though the rain was heavier here, he ran out of the station, slowly walking to his house in the middle of the rain, feeling it hitting him, just surrendering himself to the harshness of every drop that hit him carried.

By the time he reached his house, he was soaked to the bone.

His mother quickly brought him towels but Ryu refused to wipe the rain off of him; he felt so cold that he’d rather be taking a bath than just draining his wet hair and changing clothes.

He heard his mother call for him; something about a friend of hers who was sick and her spending some days over at their place, to help that family. As if he cared.

As he was sinking into the hot water, he closed his eyes. He did not know why, but the worrying feeling tied his stomach into a tight knot. He wondered what happened to Hayato; if anything, he should be the one to be told first, right? Okay, after his family members of course, but still, he…

He sank deep into the hot water. Why was he suddenly getting such feelings of worrying, caring, loving his best friend this way? And why? Was what Hayato had told him starting to get to him? It wasn’t normal, dammit, yet he still liked loving Hayato, even if that meant over troubling himself with worrying like that.

After a while, when laying sleepless on his bed with the lights turned off, he thought he should call and ask, or else he wouldn’t learn a thing. He had a hunch, a bad feeling about what he was going to hear, yet he didn’t feel like letting it go like that. Grabbing hold of his cell phone, he read through the contacts to find the one which belonged to Hayato’s place.

He didn’t need to get in the trouble, though. Suddenly, his cell started ringing and it really was a call from Hayato’s place. Quickly, without even flinching, Ryu picked it up and brought it to his ear.

“Hai?”

“Ryu-niichan?” The voice definitely belonged to Taku.

“Taku? What’s wrong?”

“Ryu-niichan, I wanted to tell you…My dad called me a while back, from the hospital.”

“Hospital, why, what happened? How’s Hayato?”

“He’s regained consciousness but they kept him there for some examinations…And the results…Are weird.”

“Weird…What do you mean? Do we know…?”

“Haya-nii has a disease.” Taku’s voice was becoming quieter, until it got completely gone.

“Eh?”

“He’s…he’s got epilepsy.”

Ryu felt his heart sinking to his feet. His world just crumbled under him and he was floating in the middle of nothingness. His bad feeling was worsening, his head was spinning and he felt his stomach turning. Hayato…Hayato was…

Hayato is epileptic.

“Ryu-niichan?”

“…I…I’m okay. ..Taku, will…Will Hayato be alright?”

“I think so. I don’t know, really. If what they told dad is right, there’s medication he can take to prevent the symptoms…”

“Will he be coming to school tomorrow?” Ryu asked, anxiously.

“I think so…Do you want me to tell him to call you when he comes back?” Taku asked, still not being able to speak loudly.

“…Yes, thank you.” Ryu answered after a long pause. “Regardless of how late it may be. It doesn’t matter.”

“Hai, wakatta. Ja, oyasuminasai.”

“Oyasumi.”

Once the conversation was over, Ryu dropped the mobile on the floor. Why? Why did every damn bad feeling he had just had to come true? Hayato was epileptic, oh just how great! Why him? It was unbelievable; Hayato having epilepsy? Joy to the world! Hayato and epilepsy just didn’t match; Hayato was energetic, strong, alive and kicking, handsome and loud, and epileptic people just weren’t like that! Ryu felt the cold hand of fear wrapping its steel fingers around his stomach; this just wasn’t fair! How had Hayato, of all people, gotten into such a mess? And why him anyway? If there was one person in Ryu’s world that didn’t deserve such a disease, it was Hayato! Dammit, if not anything, it was pissing him off; it was frustrating!

In fact it was so frustrating that Ryu felt like crying. And he really did, shamelessly; hesitating in the beginning but the tears were hot, burning his eyes, paining him and he really wanted to take out his pain someway. He let them fill his eyes, flood his lids, blurry his vision and when they were even hanging from his lashes; then, only then did he close his eyes, dragging rushed breaths, feeling them falling from his eyes, tracking down his skinny cheeks, all the way to his chin and then just falling on his lap, still not cooled. He sniffed; he hated this when it was happening. He hated Hayato for being an epileptic, he hated himself for hating Hayato, he hated himself for crying like that…Yet he continued, grabbing his pillow and burying his face in it to drown the hurt scream that left him; and the next one, and the next…He just kept screaming, as if thus he could scare away all the bad things happening to hi and whatever monsters were causing them. Curled up, he buried himself under the covers and, tightly holding the pillow in his arms he kept crying; he cried and cried and cried for hours, not knowing for how long, until it tired him out and he fell asleep, his eyes red, his lashes wet and the tear tracks on his cheeks still not drained.

The next morning, he woke up early and left home when his father was still asleep. He wandered around for a while and then went to school, sneaked into the classroom and took his seat, waiting. He was too early for the first time in his whole life; not one teacher had come, yet he was already there. He was lucky that 3-D was ‘provided’ with the special privilege of having its own, separate building, even if that one was as old as Yankumi’s grandfather and maybe even older. No one ever went down there; no one cared to lock or clean; they were all so sure that either the 3-D brats or any other punk would just break their way in there. Even though they had to clean the building themselves once in a while, it didn’t matter, it made them love it even more.

“What crap am I laying? Who am I trying to fool? As if it’s this way for anyone else than us five…” Ryu thought. He had gotten distracted with all these; picking up his cell now from his pocket he looked at the screen to see the time. Just about then, the door was wide opened and his furious classmates started getting in, throwing their bags at their desks and teaming up for their games in the early morning. Ryu pouted; Hayato hadn’t called him last night and if he were to come to school, why wasn’t he there already?

And by then Take, Tsucchi and Hyuuga came in, all with their smiles wiped off their faces. They still didn’t now about Hayato’s condition, for sure; Ryu himself had learned it form Hayato’s brother because they were closer. They took their seats around him silently, not saying a word. And then, when Yankumi got in, followed by Hayato, his father and the head teacher, things just felt bad for all four of them. Only looking at Hayato made Ryu shiver for what they were to hear. He was down, really down, pale, and if that could ever happen, the boy’s eyes had lost their passionate flame.

“Hey guys.” He murmured. Without greetings, his weird faces, his jokes about why he was late, not moving around before finally taking his seat; next to him a shadow lingered and it was damn visible.

“There’s something important that needs to be announced today." Yankumi started, then stepped aside ans Sawatari took her place.

"Be serious about this...If you're supposed to be looked up for your so cherished friendship that knows no borders...Then you should all pay attention. Yabuki Hayato here...Was diagnosed with epilepsy. However..." he said the last words louder than the others as his previous words had lifted a ruckus in the class; everyone talking to each other, saying "for real?" and "that's a joke, right?". Ryu would like to stand up and silence everyone somehow, but he just stayed at his seat, waiting.

"However he will not stop coming to school as he'll be on medication to battle it. I'm counting on the sensitivity of those so-great-friendship bonds you're supposed to have in here; I hope he feels no difference from before whenever he's here." Sawatari ended his sentence and patted Hayato's back, urging him to his seat. The boy walked stiffly, motionless; expressionless. He didn't even try to fake an expression. His face was blank and Ryu couldn't see him like this. It tore his heart and he really didn't feel like sitting at the back, never paying attention while Hayato sat up front trying his best to pay even the little attention he did at the lessons that held some interrest for him. He waited for Sawatari and Hayato's dad to leave the classroom and then suddenly stood up.

"Yankumi." he said out loud, trying to get her attention.

"Nani?"

"Can I come sit next to Hayato?" he heard the words echoing int he classroom; had he spoken too loud? It didn't matter; he had to make sure that Hayato would be alright for as long as he'd be like that and the only way for him to help him in the process was this. At least for the moment. He'd definitely think of something more in the future, but for the moment that was all he could do. He looked at Yankumi, waiting for her response.

"Sure, why not? The way you guys sit changes anyway, so why deny? I've learned you all anyaway. Hora, hayaku." she said and turned to her papers. "I'm going to take attendance now."

And the day just flew by like that. Ryu didn't even understand when school was over, when did they walk Hayato home, when did they seperate and each went home. When the night came, Take called him and asked him if he wanted to go out with everyone. As he emphasized on 'everyone' a slight hope shone in Ryu and he asked;

"Is...Is Hayato coming too?"

"He was the one to suggest. He's already there, I'm just told to call and invite. He says his cell is out of service again."

"Ah, sou. Ja...Ikimasu. Basho wa?"

"Itsumo no basho."

"Ja...Matte."

"Matteru."

They hang up and Ryu immediately jumped off his bed; opening the wardrobe he grabbed a shir, uncaring if he had already wore it before, put it on and, after locking the door of his room, he headed to the balcony. He could see all the yard; no guards around. He smiled; it was the perfect timing, the guards were at the back of the house. He jumped down and ran, climbed on the wall surrounding the huge garden and was finally on the street. He didn't stp running though, not until he was far enough to not be seen. He started walking normally then, concentrating on catching his breath before he reached the pub Hayato and the bunch were. Pushing the door open, he entered and was greeted by Hayato's loud voice, screaming "Mou, it sucks to be the winner ll the time! I want some real opponent, dammit!" and smiled. Darts again. What else? Hayato was invincible; not even he could battle his friend.

“Mou, Haya-can, isn’t it already too much? You’ve beaten us so many times, you’ve let no one win and you’re complaining? What would Ryu-chan say if he saw you?”

“He’s greedy and unfair.” Ryu said, stepping inside after getting his order, right hand in his pocket, left holding his cup. “You’re so full of yourself, dammit.”

“Ryu! Great, you’re here too. Now I can tell you all what I want.” Hayato smirked; his cheerful tone warned them for too cool or too bad stuff. They all looked up to him; even though they were sitting (well, Ryu was practically laying at his armchair) and Hayato was standing, it made no difference. They were used to him and this ‘leader’ atmosphere around him.

“Sa, nani?” Ryu asked, sipping his coffee.

“Yeah, Haya-chan, tell us.”

“Don’t start something and then just blow it!”

“Promise you won’t laugh at me.”

“We won’t. Ja, tell us. Just say it.” Ryu patted the table, looking at him.

“Ja…I want to form a band.” Hayato said, hands in his pockets.

“Huh?”

“Nani itteru no?”

“Nani sore?”

“Chotto, Hayato…Jodan janai, sore…”

“Why not?” Hayato asked, hands now out. He scratched the back of his neck and spoke again. “Hyuuga, you’ve always been hitting the desk with pens and pencils while tapping the floor with your feet; Tsucchi you said you play the piano, right? Keyboard for you. Take, your guitar is great but you bass just rocks. And me and Ryu will have the two guitars and the vocals…Well anyone can be in the vocals, we all have good voices…” he said, pointing his hand to each of them as he spoke.

“Hayato, what are you saying?” Kosuke asked.

“Is he serious?” Tsucchi turned to Take.

“Saa…Ne, Haya-chan, you’re kidding, right?” he asked.

“No; but why are you facing it like this? Isn’t it a great idea? I mean, think about it, have we done anything like that before? Do we really have any other special memory from six years of high school?”

“He’s right, you know.” Ryu exclaimed from his seat. He was thinking that Hayato, as he was now, would certainly want to do stuff. If he thought that his epilepsy would restrict him later on, he’d sure want to do stuff. He agreed with him though; after all a band would really be a great idea, it would create the greatest of memories for all five of them. “Why not try it?”

“Are you crazy, Ryu? First of all, instruments! We don’t have enough money to buy those! And even if we found them, where will we be practicing?” Tsucchi asked.

“He’s right.” Kosuke agreed. “But I wouldn’t say no if you found the place and stuff.”

“It’s easy. There’s a huge basement with a glass roof for rent near my place, and it’s close to the school too. It’s cheap; if we work just for an hour, we can pay each day we use it.” Take said. “And if you already have a piano, I got my bass guitar, and these two already have theirs, all we need to buy is two sets of drums and keyboard….It’ll be easier.” Take continued.

“Ma…If you can’t find the money we can always get part-time jobs to try gathering some.” Hayato said. “Apart from Ryu, of course.”

“Hayato!” The redhead looked up to him. “You know I don’t want anything to do with my father’s money!”

“Okay, sorry! If you feel so angry about it, go steal them and throw them into the Sakuragawa River, dammit!”

“No, I’ve got a better idea. I’ll pay for the stuff we need with those.” Ryu said; stoic eyes looking at all four of them.

“Ryu…What are you saying?” Kosuke asked.

“Your father is going to bust you, Ryu-chan.” Kosuke murmured.

“If he catches you, he’ll lock you at the basement.” Take added.

“He’ll strip you of your skin and then lock you.” Tsucchi went on.

“Shiru ka.”

“Ryu…Omae, I’m seriously surprised…But positively surprised! You’re the best! If you’re willing to steal your father’s money to help do that…”

“Hayato…I want to form this band with you. I don’t care if it’s a crime to steal; if I have to do it for us five, for our friendship, I’m doing it. It’ll be like asking for increase in my allowance anyway.” The boy said. “Ne…Can I come over tonight?”

“Eh?” Hayato looked at Ryu, surprised. The boy just never ceased to amaze im.

“Can I come over and sleep at your place tonight?” Ryu asked again, this time clearing out the details of what he wanted.

“Uh…yeah, sure you can….” Hayato said, scratching the top of his head. “It’s just that, you know, you wanting to come over…and asking for it…”

“I don’t feel like going home tonight…Mom’s not gonna be there and I don’t want top be left alone with him…Bad things happen when we’re like that.” Ryu said, raising his shoulders.

“And here I was about to ask if you’re going to worry your parents or not.” Take shouted, trying to get their attention.

“Ouch! Take!” Tsucchi exclaimed, covering his ears.

“Yes, my son, be more kind and considerate when you’re near people…” Kosuke teased.

“Hai papa.” Take said obediently.

“Damn you guys…Just STOP doing this! You’re driving me crazy!” Hayato shouted.

“Stop shouting, Hayato!” Tsucchi shouted back.

“Stop shouting, mama!” Kosuke shouted.

“Stop shouting; what kind of parents are you?” Take cried out.

“Stop doing that, already!” Hayato shouted, covering his head with his hands and falling back to his armchair.

“Stop sound-harassing Hayato!” Ryu said, clinging to the older boy’s side. “Are you aright?” he asked with a worried expression.

“I’m fine. Just got a little headache.” Hayato answered.

“Okay, let’s end it for tonight.” Kosuke murmured.

“Yeah, he’s right.”

“We gotta return to our real parents.”

“Stop that already…I’m begging you.” Hayato murmured in complaining tone.

“Just stop it, guys. He’s suffering.” Ryu said, looking at the rest of the bunch with eyes saying “his epilepsy is talking.”

“Ah, wakatta, wakatta…” Take murmured.

“Ja, yametokimasho.” Kosuke continued.

“Un, he’s so right. Let’s call it a night.”

“Yep, see you tomorrow.”

“Baka, tomorrow’s Saturday.”

“Eeeh~”

“It’s not like that was ever stopping us from seeing each other.”

“Yeah, at the arcade.”

“No, karaoke.”

“No, for lunch.”

“Hey, hey!” Hayato said loudly. “Why don’t you just arrange it tomorrow, huh?”

“Sore…Haya-chan, atama wa mada mada kampeki ne~” Tsucchi murmured.

“Oi!” Ryu eyed him warningly. “Yametoke.” Grabbing Hayato from the shoulder, he made him stand up and dragged him to the exit. “Oi, ikou.”

“Oi, hayai wa dame…” Hayato complained, whispering. “Tsukaretaa~”

“Omae tatteru ka?” Ryu asked as they were walking in the street.

“…Saaa~”

“Hayato, get a grip. What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well I’m walking, am I not?”

“Yeah, but if you’re straining yourself I’m punching you.”

“How will you know I am?”

“I do.”

“How?”

“Hayato, I’m gonna punch you.”

“Then do.”

“Are you drunk?”

“I hate alcohol, you know that.”

“Are you on drugs?”

“Don’t like medicine at all.”

“I can’t battle your logic.”

“Piggyback me.”

“That’s what I’ve been intending to do anyway.” Ryu murmured and sat on his knees; opening his arms, he urged Hayato to climb on. “Hora.” He said, patting the back of Hayato’s leg.”

“Arigatou.” The older boy said, collapsing on Ryu’s back. He embraced Ryu’s chest, hanging on him as the redhead returned to walking. His head rested at the crook of Ryu’s neck and his legs were hanging at the sides of his body. The smell coming from Ryu’s hair was amazing but that didn’t matter; regardless of how Ryu smelled, it was heaven to Hayato.

“Don’t sleep.” He heard Ryu say and smiled.

“I’m not going to.” He murmured on Ryu’s skin. “Ne, Ryu…”

“Nn?”

“Why did you want to come?”

“Mm…Sa. I think I already said so.”

“That’s definitely not it. Since when are you afraid?”

“I’m not afraid, it’s just awkward.”

“It’s the same.”

“By far not, and I don’t like it anyway. And I didn’t want to have him over my head without mom being there to calm him down.”

“Ah, sou….Ja, wasurete.”

“Hayato?”

“Mm?”

“We’re here.”

“Ah, just ring the bell. I forgot my keys inside.”

“Baka.” Ryu hissed but he rang the doorbell anyway, a smile forming on his lips. While Taku opened the door and he walked upstairs, went in and took off his shoes he had plenty of time to erase it, though.

“Tadaima~” Hayato hummed.

“Niichan, okae- Ryu-niichan mou? Are…Haya-nii, daijobou?”

“Don’t worry, Taku, he’s fine.”

“Yeah, I am.”

“Just wanted to tire me out.”

“Ryu, you’re an idiot.”

“Not more than you.”

“But you were the one who asked me to!”

“That’s a lie! I only said I wanted to; you said it first! And anyway, I did it because you were walking as if you were drunk!”

“Eeh, niichan, you drank?”

“I didn’t. Not alcohol, anyway. Coffee is way different. And anyway, Ryu will sleep here tonight.”

“Ah, sou? Then try to keep it down because I’ve got stuff to do; I’m having a test tomorrow and I’m studying.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t let things get loud, he seems not to be able to take it lately.” Ryu smiled to the kid.

“Is there anything to eat?” Hayato asked.

“Yeah, considerate me made you some onigiri.” Taku said but Hayato wasn’t listening, he had already dragged Ryu to the kitchen, searching. “Niichan, kiiteru no…” the boy murmured and shrugged; turning on his heels he went into his room, returning to studying.

In the meantime, Hayato was urging Ryu to eat along, even though Ryu had already had his dinner. Hayato kept insisting, Ryu kept denying. In the end Hayato ate almost everything that Taku had made, and Ryu just sat and watched him as he washed the bowl he had used after he was done.

“Owata. Ja, ikou.”

“Mm. Ah…Demo…I don’t have pajamas.”

“I’ll lend you mine.”

“I’ll get drown in yours!”

“Can you think of anything else?”

Ryu didn’t say anything; how bad could the situation be? Hayato’s body was indeed bigger and by far more built than his but their height was the same.

Poor Ryu. Little did he know that it was just impossible for him to fit just perfectly to whatever clothes  Hayato would lend him. It didn’t seem so big, when the older boy handed him the pair, kissing his cheek and then disappeared into the bathroom, leaving the door open as he brushed his teeth and shouted “Go change in my room.”

Ryu smiled at the image of Hayato but he was careful not to be seen; he knew hat he’d get teased for smiling while hiding and it was the last thing he needed. He quickly changed into Hayato’s pajamas; in contrast to the cold of the room they were pretty warm. Ryu was practically disappearing in the pair but it didn’t seem to bother him; it was big, it was soft, it was warm and it smelled of Hayato. The sleeves were longer than his arms and only his fingertips were out a bit; bringing his hands to his nose Ryu sat on the floor and just closed his eyes, smelling the fabric, taking in every ounce of Hayato’s fragrance from it. He was so into it that he didn’t notice Hayato coming in, kneeling next to him.

“You like it?” the boy asked, patting the top of Ryu’s hair.

Surprising Hayato, Ryu remained calm.

“It smells like you…I know it’s normal, since it’s yours, but I like it.” He murmured, eyes still closed.

“Sou desu ka?...Ja, yokatta.”

“Wakatteru.”

“I’m like an open book to you, am I not?”

“It’s more like I am to you.”

“There’re many times I can’t read you, Ryu…”

“Oh, trust me, you do.”

“You read me better than I do.”

“I don’t. I can’t deal with you, most of the times.”

“Then try to guess what’s in my mind right now.”

“That’s impossible…” Ryu stopped dead on his tracks. Just now he noticed how close Hayato was, how big his eyes were, how beautifully his hair shaded his face…How gorgeous his lips looked…A fire was lit deep in his stomach; without even having the time to think about it he felt an urging need to kiss Hayato, seal his lips and take his breath away and dammit, he couldn’t resist! “Hayato…” he murmured, yet it sounded more like a pained moan. Hayato looked at him with eyes wide opened form worry, and Ryu just couldn’t take it. He grabbed the older boy from his shirt’s collar, brought him closer and kissed him, obeying the suppressed desire from inside him.

Surprised Hayato wasn’t given the chance to even flinch; not that he’d think of doing anything to break the kiss. An open opportunity that was handed to him after so long, after having to suppress his own desire and will to kiss Ryu for all this time; this ‘now’ was perfect. He embraced Ryu’s neck with his one hand and put his other in his hair as Ryu clang to him, grabbing his shirt and pulling him even closer, making him lose his balance and fall on him, both of them falling to the side. Ryu felt his head hitting a book but he wouldn’t break the kiss now for all the money of the world. He felt Hayato’s tongue brushing against his lips and he smiled; although he intended to do it anyway, he slowly opened his mouth but before Hayato was able to slip his tongue in, he did, stroking Hayato’s lips and then entering. He passed his tongue under his as Hayato was letting it roam in Ryu’s mouth. The redhead felt the older boy smile; for a moment it pissed him off and he tried to break the kiss but he found making his limbs comply with his brain’s orders impossible.

Hayato suddenly passed his hands around him and lifted him as he stood up, holding him close so that the kiss wouldn’t break anyway; taking a step forward he gently placed Ryu on his bed and dragged himself from the younger boy’s complaining hands. He panted for a moment as he heard him muffle “why?” and laid back, feeling dizzy from the lack of oxygen and resting his head on his pillow.

“Ryu…Arigatou.” He murmured as the redhead was laying next to him, taking his head in his hands. Ryu kissed Hayato’s forehead and eyelids; he didn’t want Hayato thanking him for anything, he didn’t need his gratitude. If there was one of them who should be grateful, that was him, not Hayato. As he soothed him, he felt Hayato’s breath on his neck becoming lighter until it was steadied to the pattern of his sleep; this pattern that was so familiar to him yet he had so missed. He looked at him for a moment before turning off the lights, then after doing it he rested his head on Hayato’s shoulder and closed his eyes too, feeling his own fatigue taking over him.